How i feel / Mummy
As you stand there and watch me,
I wonder what you see.
You see me from the outside,
That’s not the real me.
I go about my business,
Turn up for work each day,
I try to be efficient -
But my thoughts get in the way.
Sometimes you see me laughing,
At the funny times we share,
Sometimes you see me happy,
As if I haven’t got a care.
But as you stand there and watch me,
As I go about my day,
You see me from the outside,
So what else can I say?
I see me from the inside,
My heart is split in two.
You go about so happily –
I wish I could be like you.
For being on the inside
Of me with all my grief,
Makes getting up each morning
Harder than belief.
There are reasons to be happy -
My family, my health.
But I’m tired of being an actress,
I want to be myself.
When I see me from the inside,
I see a big black hole.
There’s nothing there but darkness,
No heart, no mind, no soul.
So as you stand there and watch me,
Please don’t just sympathise,
Try looking from the inside,
Try looking through my eyes.
My sweet Holly i love and miss you more each day.
14/04/08
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